“Death is not an easy thing to even talk about.” –Belinda Kelly
I have been in deep thought about change in all of its forms. Most recently death. I have missed talking to you and wanted to blog about death over the past week but was not sure what to say. As you know…
“Death is not an easy thing to even talk about.” –Belinda Kelly
Death is a major form of change and an inevitable part of life. Death makes people uncomfortable. Remember Rafiki talking to Simba about death and the circle of life in the movie the “Lion King?” People were not sure if it was appropriate in a children’s movie.
In the past week I have only attended one funeral but a good number of people I love have lost some pivotal loved ones. I lost 13 loved ones in 2009. So now, when I hear of another death I reflect on the loved ones I have laid to rest in my lifetime. I'll share some words that comforted me.
“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” -David Harkins
One person asked me in response to this, “I get the words. But How? How do you do that?” It is a process like everything else in life. You start with a decision in your mind. You then move forward in action.
One of the most challenging things I hear from people that survive their loved ones is the lack of understanding or guilt. People are often guilty about the words unsaid, gifts not given, plans not made and then the loneliness. “How will I get by without…? We spoke everyday, we completed each other’s sentences. We talked about everything…”
"All that you touch, you Change. All that you Change, Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change.” EARTHSEED:THE BOOKS OF LIVING — Octavia E. Butler (Parable of the Sower)
Death is change. Prepare for it as you prepare for life. Say what needs to be said. Honor and appreciate the living. Live in joyous memory of the dead. Don’t wait. Get clear NOW on your life and what is important. As one my JHS teachers, Ms. Aida Delgado, said to us all at her 60th birthday party recently, “Live Life Urgently Now.” She signs every email as such and adds “Abrazos.”
Tomorrow may be your last day, are you good with that? Do you have a will? I mean you know what to do if your car breaks down. You know what to do if your child is sick. You have all sorts of plans for life events but do you reflect on death. Do you have a will? Not having a will impacts greatly on the people you love. Get one, the internet makes writing a will a LOT more affordable and easier, click here or do your own search for a legal service you find feasible to get your last will and testament completed. But most importantly…
Tomorrow may be your last day, are you good with that? Do you have a will? I mean you know what to do if your car breaks down. You know what to do if your child is sick. You have all sorts of plans for life events but do you reflect on death. Do you have a will? Not having a will impacts greatly on the people you love. Get one, the internet makes writing a will a LOT more affordable and easier, click here or do your own search for a legal service you find feasible to get your last will and testament completed. But most importantly…
“Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.” –Author unknown
There is no “do-over.” Get “good” with life, death and change. It is going to happen whether or not YOU are prepared.
I have decided to consciously do the most and the best with the life I have been given. I have been given a lot of talents and I choose to use them, share them and let them multiply.
May our loved ones rest in peace and may we live their legacies INjoy. Do it now. Make a list. Check things off and as Oprah Winfrey says, “Live your best life.”
May joy be your weapon.
I am living my life
I am living my life
INjoy,
dionne
I think, as usual, most things are relative and depend on 1s level of development/evolution. I frequently talk about my death with my 'peers' and also with my youngest son(10 years old). I challenged him to pick 10 topics for us to discuss and so would I. One of us picked 'death' and we discussed it for about a half hour. But that's my life...and death.
ReplyDeleteI too, am confident with discussing my death. However, my family is not willing to hear it. I needed the week of reflection prior to discussing/blogging about death to create a clear global communication that would be received comfortably. I was also supporting friends dealing with the death of a loved one or the impending death of a loved one.
ReplyDeleteBut I love and appreciate your candor, thank you for sharing. I agree that it is crucial to have a dialogue about death with our peers, family and children. How fortunate your 10 year old is!
Well, it definitely makes me uncomfortable and it always has. As I've gotten older, I speak about it moreso. Still, it is uneasy at best. Unfortunately, the tragedy of this impending death is the fact that this person was disabled early in life and never had the opportunity to live out dreams and experience life in any real way. This particular death is the last chapter of a tragedy 25 years long. I don't know what to say, how to feel about it, what to do about it. I wish I could say that I am comfortable talking about my own death or that of loved ones. I am not. I don't know if I ever will be, although I hope to be someday before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteWhat I will say is that it is so very important that we live our lives and stop waiting for something or someone better to happen. Stop waitiung for a better situation. Time does not wait, nor does opportunity.
Someone said to me, "we don't have to understand it, but we have to accept it". I'm not sure about that, because I don't get how a person can "accept" something that they don't understand...But I guess that is another topic.
For now there is confusion, heartbreak and loss. Even with the smiles there is an unmistakable undertow of despair...
that's what it is for me, right now..
Thank you for sharing your pain so openly. I do not understand how the sun rises each day but I do accept that fact.
ReplyDeleteI hope you, and your family, come to peace with and accept that the life of this person was enough. I hope you all can celebrate the times you shared (and continue to share) as well the lessons you each learned because of his life. Perhaps his life was merely "differently abled" in order to inspire more from those around him. Perhaps what he lived was as real as it could be. Please celebrate all that he was/is versus mourning what he was/is not. He has always brought me laughter and that is a great thing.
Yes, live life urgently NOW. That is quite important.
INjoy,
dionne
I used to be uncomfortable with speaking about death until my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. At that point I was forced to come to terms with the fact that she would most likely be passing on sooner than I had ever imagined but as I saw the changes taking place and in between some of the many private conversations in which she tried to prepare me for what was to come, I embraced that change called death. I came to grips with the fact that it is a natural part of life and I do believe that the spirit lives on because I feel my mother around me all of the time. You are right, we need to celebrate the lives of our loved ones and not mourn their leaving. Mourning does not honor them, celebration does.
ReplyDeletePowerful. Thank you so much for sharing that Nailah.
ReplyDelete