Live the Life You Never Lived
Afua Pili Busisiwe Ayo Stewart-Monsanto has joined the ancestors and is at peace. I hope all that love her and love me will find peace in her memories. I called her Siwe (see-way), others called her Bubblez or Zippee.
I live my life in the open and hope that people learn from it. My beautiful brilliant 15 year old daughter chose to end her life on June 29th, 2011. She had been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. We have had several suicide attempts. I believe she is at peace now and I am ever so thankful for the time I had with her. She taught me so much even before she was born on International Working Women's Day, March 8th, 1996.
She was an extremely talented young lady. I plan on publishing her children's book. I will not mourn. I have shed so many tears at the possibility of this day. I now choose to celebrate her life and invite you to do so as well. Her choice was simply that... her choice.
As I have spoken to so many people regarding her death in the past 36 hours, many have expressed regret. Many feel that they could have done more, helped more, been with and near her more. I believe we all did the best we could with the information we had. I am confident that I did all that I could do with and for her.
There is not much we can do for Siwe. But we can do for ourselves and others. Depression and suicide is all too prevalent these days. What you can do now is:
My daughter's journey on earth is over, but I hope yours is just beginning.
INjoy,
dionne
I live my life in the open and hope that people learn from it. My beautiful brilliant 15 year old daughter chose to end her life on June 29th, 2011. She had been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. We have had several suicide attempts. I believe she is at peace now and I am ever so thankful for the time I had with her. She taught me so much even before she was born on International Working Women's Day, March 8th, 1996.
She was an extremely talented young lady. I plan on publishing her children's book. I will not mourn. I have shed so many tears at the possibility of this day. I now choose to celebrate her life and invite you to do so as well. Her choice was simply that... her choice.
As I have spoken to so many people regarding her death in the past 36 hours, many have expressed regret. Many feel that they could have done more, helped more, been with and near her more. I believe we all did the best we could with the information we had. I am confident that I did all that I could do with and for her.
There is not much we can do for Siwe. But we can do for ourselves and others. Depression and suicide is all too prevalent these days. What you can do now is:
- Take action!
- Tell someone you love them
- Volunteer for a cause you believe in (some organizations that she volunteered with and/or supported were: Midtown West, Harlem School of the Arts, National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention etc.)
- LIVE THE LIFE YOU NEVER LIVED
My daughter's journey on earth is over, but I hope yours is just beginning.
INjoy,
dionne
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ReplyDeleteAbundance sis, as we celebrate the gifts, becoming and everlasting presence of Siwe. Her beauty, words and dreams will forever remain on God's green planet as a testimony of GREATNESS. We love you. Siwe shall live in PEACE. Love, love, love...
ReplyDeleteThank you. Merci. Gracias. ♥
To my beautiful sister,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you and your family. I will continue to send prayers into the Universe for you and all of us. If there is anything that cements the power of God and forgiveness into my heart it is when calls someone home to him. May Siwe's light shine bright to all with the message for us to embrace and encourage our children and families and may God grant her paradise.
Ameen.
I admire your choice to celebrate Siwe's life to the fullest! Her thoughts and insights are to be shared and learned from by generations to come! Her children's book, and even a book of her various writings will assist many others. I cannot say why anyone makes the choice that she made. I just know that for whatever reasons, people who contemplate suicide feel that this is the only option that will take away their pain. I live my life trying my hardest to help the children see the light at the end of the tunnel! But, some have such a strong determination and it is hard to prevent! Knowing you and your personality, I know you had tried to provide Siwe with all the love and support that you could! Celebrate her memories!
ReplyDeleteMy love is with you & your family! I will help you celebrate her life with all the love that you give to others! I am thankful that you shared, places to volunteer. I wrote a poem about this issue in 2004 & just found the voice to record 2days ago. This is def. An eye opener & began a dialouge that is not really talked about in our community & with our children. Again, I thank you for sharing & celebrating her life. Adzua B Opare
ReplyDeleteWhat is there to say in moments like these other than I love you and may God fill and surround Siwe and her loved ones still here with His Holy Light. I am grateful to have met Siwe and to encounter her light. She was awesome with children. My son really enjoyed playing with her at Kwanzaa. He didn't even want to leave! I know what you mean when say it was Siwe's choice to transition. My father suffered with depression all of my life and probably most of his. He knew for at least a year that he had cancer and told no one. Only when he was given less than a month to live were we informed about his condition. During his final days I read his favorite scriptures and annointed him with oils. He said these things made him feel good. He screamed at the nurses he wasn't going anywhere and that he was going to die right there in the hospital when they wanted to discharge him since they could do nothing else for him. I learned a lot about the gift of being present to others (and myself) during those last few weeks of his life. Life is a continuous cycle of learning and teaching. Siwe will continue to teach us as an ancestor. Axe.
ReplyDeleteDear Dionne I hear you...dearest Siwe thank you for your time with us, may you continue to rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteOm Namah Shivaya Dione! <3
ReplyDeleteand to think her soul is still with us. always present.
ReplyDeleteDionne,
ReplyDeleteYou are such a strong and eloquent woman. I'm not sure I'd have the presence to speak so strongly after such a loss, although I have not walked in your shoes. Several of my immediate family members suffer with depression. Some medicate. Some don't. It's challenging to continue to uplift these people, but I try. Please know that you have my prayers and utmost respect. You are in my prayers.
In Love and Friendship,
Dali Santiago
Dear One, may your strength and shining example of Faith be an inspiration to us all. May Siwe's transition be easeful. Her light will shine forever on those of us she touched and she'll live on in our hearts forever. May God bless you and Soule and all of your family.
ReplyDeleteWith GREAT LOVE,
Seth
I've come here from Bassey's site just to say my prayers are with you and your family and with Siwe. With love, peace, and compassion - LaToya
ReplyDeleteDionne dear, You are in our heart and prayers. Please know we are here for you and think of us if there is any way we can support you. Deep peace and love to you, Virginia and Steven
ReplyDeleteDear Dionne,
ReplyDeleteI am so sad to hear of the loss of your daughter. My heart goes out to you. She lived these years in the environment of great love, knowing you. And so I pray as you do that she may continue her journey and be blessed my the ancestors and by the loving energies of the universe that guide our path. May your heart be consoled and healed in your loss. May your devotion to healing and self-realization continue to grow, and may you find and have the support you need in this transition.
My heart is with you, love,
Richard Michaels
Dear Sister,
ReplyDeleteAt this time I am at a lost for words. Siwe was a wonder filled young lady and it is my blessing to have known her. I am always grateful for the love you share so freely with me and my family. I wish to extend our love to you. If and when you need anything please let let us know. I am here for you.
Love and tight hugs,
Ife and family
Praise God that your strength allows you to celebrate her life and not mourn the action! I pray the coming days bring continued grace, peace, and strength. I know her spirit will continue to stay with you and your family always. Know that my thoughts are with you, even if my physical being is not. Stay blessed!!!
ReplyDeleteJan Ferguson-Shipman
My family and I are humbled and honored by all of the support we are receiving. The love sustains us and knowing her short life has impacted others in a positive way sustains me.
ReplyDeleteLive the life you never lived
INjoy,
dionne
Thank you for having the courgage to post. Love our children, that's all we can do. I do not know you or your daughter, but I am sure that she knew you loved and thought the world of her. You can't do more than that. Be blessed!
ReplyDeleteThank you Siwe, For the time you spent with us....and for the smile I will never forget.
ReplyDeleteFarai Mwasireni Malianga
I am wishing you and your family lots of strengh to go through this difficult moment. You inspire me with your wisdom and kindness.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit and smile of Siwe, life is a journey. The harder the journey the sweeter the reward. Siwe has been rewarded with peace and the giving spirit of all we have received from her. The life and journey we are experiencing is a testament of the beauty of her spirit and what we learned from her. Much love and thanks for the reminders of beauty. Sana
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving strength and light to us and to me, when you have had one of the greaest transitions and transformations of your life.
ReplyDeleteMay you and all of your family living and those who have passed to be with Egun be in assuredness that God's grace, peace, and love is with you.
I heard the news today about Siwe. I have so much respect for you Dionne, for Siwe and your family and your choice to celebrate your daugher's life. I have such great memories of Siwe from her dancing beside you when you taught African dance at MTW to her attending classes and being such a strong presence in the school to seeing her come back well after graduation to volunteer weekly with Jenny in the school library. Siwe always had a strong physical, emotional and spiritual presence and strength about her. She will be missed.
ReplyDeleteCandice
To my lovely Kindred Sister,
ReplyDeleteTomorrow we continue to celebrate Siwe's life....I truly understand what she was going through for Bi-polar, depression, and anxiety battle with me...I do not battle with it...It's been a hard and long road that I travel...many do not understand this illness...know that you did only what you knew how to do...know that this is an illness that can sometimes consume us to the point of no return...it is no one's fault...so...never ask why...never say "I could have done more"...never punish yourself thinking that because you are her mother that you could have saved her....DO know this...you are a mother that have her and continues to give love, compassion, words of wisdom, understanding...I will forever keep her in my heart as this mental illness battles with me...
I am the resurrection and the life – he who believes in me though he may die – yet shall he live.” John 11:25 If your child trusted in Christ as her Lord and Savior – she is in heaven.
ReplyDeleteLove Annie
My sister friend I am saddened by this but want to thank you for being their for me and uplifting me calling me everyday sending me encouraging things when my mom died. I am glad and grateful me and Siwe got to hang out together at the wedding in October just me and her and got to know each other and have fun for whatever reason it was just me and her. We had fun and we clicked. I hope she is at peace. You are a beautiful person and mother even in your sorrowful time you were able to still post something to soothe everyone else above. I will see you today, to hold your hand or just do whatever you need me to do to support you now and help lift you up. Until then I send you hugs, kisses and light. I love you my friend.
ReplyDeleteThat is so beautiful. I live with swe only a couple of months on leake & watts ans from the first day i know she was gonna be a brilliant person with a great personality.liek a week after we met we was good friends she painted my nail and i painted her. we did really have a great friends ship but she was till my friend i love you siwe may you rest in peace.:)<3
ReplyDeleteMy family, ocha family, friends and myself have you and your family in our prayers. You were blessed to have Siwe in your life. Children come to us to help us to grow and to learn how to love unconditionally. You loved both of your children unconditionally. May your love and the love of others give Siwe the light and strength to pass over in peace. May she take all that that love and light on her journey. May Olofi continue to bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteDionne, I honor your strength and the light that clearly surrounds your spirit. We know that love never dies and neither do we. We simply move on to the next experience. I haven't seen Siwe since she was a small child, but I never forgot her sweet face. I grieved and ached when I learned of her transition, but Truth teaches us that there is no regret in God. I pray that light and love follows her and enfolds her as she embraces her next life.
ReplyDeleteZena
I wish I could hug each of you individually. Humble thanks for all the love and support. #SiweLives in my hearts and the hearts of many.
ReplyDeletedionne